The Virtual

Sometimes in life, it doesn’t really matter whether what you’re doing is right or wrong. What matters is you’re satisfied with it.

So what if indulge in memories and they almost always make me cry? I’m satisfied with my crying, quite. It really does give me a strange sort of satisfaction; happiness in being sad, as they would call it.

Yes, I’m happy being sad. I’m happy being hopelessly hopeful. I’m happy thinking and yearning for something that might never be mine again. But, hold. Isn’t it mine? It is. And I’m its.

So now what? Don’t I have it all? Perhaps I do. Perhaps I don’t. It’s a mixture of both. I have it all virtually. But, ‘technically, we’re in a position’ where having it all VIRTUALLY doesn’t make much difference. But, I know, somewhere, deep down within the seemingly extinct US, it makes a difference. It makes all the difference. It keeps us holding on. It cheers us on and on… and on.

What if I lose contact with reality? It keeps haunting me. What if I begin living solely in the dream world, in the ‘virtual’ world where I have it all? I know you’ll be highly disturbed by it. And you’ll try to hide it. Just as you try to hide everything else. Just as you try to hide yourself from me; yourself from you; yourself from US. WHY? “I think you know why”, I guess I do. But it wouldn’t hurt if you were selfish once in a while; or would it? “It would.” I guess I know you quite well.

Is this the 3rd/4th/5th…UMPTEENTH address to you? An address that was never received, never heard? But it IS heard. In the virtual world; for me; for US.






I wish you were here. I wish I could see you, even if it was just for a fleeting second, where our eyes would meet and a million unsaid words would be exchanged.