Smoke Sans the Fire

In a disarray, stuck,

I can't move forward

nor backward.

I look back and I only see trial.

Trial and more,

to be perfect enough

to be accepted,

to be loved without the betrayal.

Have I been so pathetic,

did I ask for too much?

Had a smile so genuine

not made me happy?

Did I not do my best,

did I show too much unrest?

Hadn't I been there,

Always supportive?

You still want that

And I can't help but stay,

But think about me,

how much can I keep giving?

Even a reservoir so full

needs to be fuelled

by the river through the dam

forever running.

I ask not for sympathy.

I just crave for affection.

Don't the plants die

if you don't show love and harmony?

I gave away my oxygen

breathing in your despair,

I'm lost and intoxicated now,

my crescendo seems a parody.

I don't know what made me

want you so badly

I don't know 

what makes me, still.

The very imagination of

an other somebody

shatters my dreams,

the shards subtract infinity to nill.

I'm empty inside,

you're drunk from me;

But this glass is brittle,

a slight of your fingers, and it breaks.

It's been far too long

and the hollow within

is eating up my love;

my desires are burnt, my dreams ablaze.

A lengthy story, tethered on a pier,

all that remains now is smoke sans the fire.