I wish I could have been like you.

I live, I die, and then I live again
In a dream, in a delusion
Reality gets washed away in the rain
I blink in confusion.

The world moves on marching ahead
I stand still, afraid
I came out of my sheltering shed
But the world's still fake.

What ever happened was once
The ghost of Christmas past
I clutch at what is shunned
Insecure, abandoned.

I still make visits to the grave
I want back my sun
But what is gone is gone away
Away and yet holds sway.

I can't let go and I can't even hold
You are now mere memory
I wish you were still alive and whole
All I have now is a gaping hole.

Maybe you can see me from up there
Like an angel in the clouds
But maybe I wish you didn't stare
For my unwillingness lies bare.

I may never be able to face you
The face of strength and strong will
I wonder where all of that from me blew
Don't look at me now, it's all rue.

I wish I could have been strong
I wish you wouldn't be ashamed of me
You left crying, but you longed
To see me before your knell tolled.

I wish I could have been strong...
I wish I could have made you proud...
I wish I could have been like you.