A Thousand Words....

A thousand words, waiting to be said, 

Waiting to be heard.

And a thousand miles, full of obstacles,

Between us.

It used to matter,

The distance.

But, no longer.

I can still listen.

That profound silence,

The heavy heart.

A few things you say,

Although words cannot.

That smile of yours,

The twinkling eyes.

I know you feel it, too.

Don't you lie.

It used to matter,

The separation.

No longer,

Our souls lie in unison.

Yet, a few tears we shed.

A thousand words,

Waiting to be said.

History Repeats Itself

I couldn't believe myself.

One moment, I was so dejected and hurt, and the next moment, I was enjoying the rains.

One moment, I had been so lachrymose and sensitive, and the next moment, I was cursing and shouting and giving threats (not in my mind, right on the face).

One moment, I was so needy, and the next moment, I just turned my back and walked away.



But, I couldn't believe myself further, when I thought I had fallen in love. Sure, they'd said love can happen more than once. But I didn't believe it back then.

Everytime, so far, I have always decided on love matters with my head. Even when I think I like someone, it has been a left-brain thought. Although, there was once an exception, where my heart and my head had been in unison.

But, for once, I had fallen for someone without even thinking. I had liked someone without even knowing. I had loved someone without even deciding (No, I'm pretty sure you won't understand this one).

But, well, where did it all take me? Nowhere. It turned into a triangle whose third angle was none other than my friend.

Although, she didn't harbour any feelings, he did.

And me? What could I do? I stepped aside (after a confrontation, of course :P).

But right now, I still cry. Not for him, but for me. No, not exactly in self pity. Let me try explaining.

I had found a really promising distraction from my past. When that was around, I was much more involved in it and I didn't think over matters that had once been. But then, it stepped out and now, although I know I can control it if I want to, I am reminded of it all.

And, everyone keeps threatening me of murder if I fall back into what I had been in. It has been three years. They are tired of trying to explain things to me. And why wouldn't they be?

But, can't they see I have changed? Can't they see I'm smiling and laughing and playing? Can't they see I've begun to actually live my life for myself? Can't they accept that shit happens, and it isn't always necessary that I'd fall back into the abyss after every trivial matter? Can't they see I'm on my way to achieving a grip on myself?

And I know I won't fall unless I WANT to.

And you know, I DON'T want to. And, I won't.




History may repeat itself. But I won't.

And that's a vow. To myself.










P.S: Positive enough?

Tired of Smiling.

Hadn't you seen me change,
From these past few days?
I had begun to live,
Getting out of my usual ways.

I had begun to notice beauty,
In nature as well as human
I had begun to smile,
That wasn't a sight common.

I had finally realized
I had finally understood.
The zeal had come back,
Although you no longer could.

So, I sufficed myself
And lo, I found all new distractions.
But of course, nothing lasts forever
For someone long abandoned.

I don't like the blame game
So (as yet another change) I take charge.
Tempting as it is, going back there
I know it is all farce.

I have tried, and you have seen me at it
I have even overcome the difference
But these situations keep repeating
And history catches me mid-sentence.

But, this happens, right? With everyone.
Ups and downs, highs and lows
That's nothing new
With every mistake, you grow.

But, a hopelessly lost person
Can't find his way out
Even though he has once been there
He cannot say things aloud.

And I hide, I hide myself
Or, at least, I try my best to.
I am happy, genuinely
But, I need some rest, too.

This hasn't happened before!!

Yeah, the title sort of compels you to read this post, right? :P

Anyway. proceeding to the actual post.




The first thing I noticed were those interested eyes. (Or, that's what I thought). Then, the shirt. Then, the black, shiny, acoustic guitar.

What else would you want?



At first, I thought it was attraction. Then I got to know I was getting involved. And then, maybe, just MAYBE it could have been love at first sight. (With the guitar, of course! :P).



That's the thing that hasn't happened before. Love at first sight. (Sounds sort of...erm...cliched....for me, at least).


Part 2:

I've tried diverting my mind a lot of times. Even, acknowledging people who claim to like me (I don't do that normally, until I like them, too). But it has all been in vain. Was it because I hadn't tried my best or was it because I was going too fast (Nah, probably not) or perhaps 'Destiny'?

But, one thing had remained constant. All this while when I was trying to make space for others (who probably never deserved it), I felt as though I was cheating.

But this time, THIS particular time, I don't feel so. This particular time, I feel good. Dreamy, even. Happy. Yes, happy.


Part 3:

But, nostalgia strikes. And there's one thing I realized and one thing I decided.

You can be happy even in thinking of the past, provided you WANT to be happy.

From this day onward, I will never let anyone, ANY damn person or thing, or word, affect me as much as it did.








P.S: I'm not sure anyone would understand this post, but who cares? :P I'm writing for ME, right?