Nostalgic

Here I sit with the late afternoon breeze
A cup of tea right before me
I think of you and all those moments
That were filled with love and ecstasy

I'm reminded of your voice
The soft whisper of a nightingale in disguise
The sharp intakes of breath
The lone melody in a babel of noise

I'm reminded of those endless nights
When I couldn't get myself to sleep right
When reality was far better than fantasy
When our love was the guiding light

I'm reminded of how suddenly it all vanished
How the love between us remained famished
Slowly the tears start welling up
As promises taken tarnish

I'm left with a vestige called friendship
The saviour in the hardship
I'm not alone,
And yet my heart's ripped

I still sit here with the late afternoon breeze
Reminiscing moments that were for keeps
Moments containing you and me
That were filled with love and ecstasy

And I'm nostalgic.

A little gesture, a huge smile

It happens all the while. The smallest of things can make you smile and the smallest of things can make you cry.

But, right now, I'm into the good things, the happy moments- For a change.

This happened last year. I don't remember the month or date, but I do remember the ambience.

It was like we were in a secluded Buddhist temple. Ancient faded paintings on the walls, a slightly crumbling ceiling, and the whiff of air conditioning.

We were at Moksha, a restaurant that boasted of burmese and thai cuisine.

That was the first and so far, my last time there with my mom.

There was a guitarist in the restaurant. And I go bonkers when I get a mere glimpse of a guitarist playing his instrument.

He came over and asked what song I wanted to be played.

My first reaction was that of elation and gratification. I asked if he could play 'Californication'.

But he hadn't heard of the song.

In the end, I had to suffice with 'You're beautiful'. He played it on his acoustic guitar and sang along with it. It was beautiful. It was as if all my senses had gone off and all I could feel was the excitement of someone being played a song to.

I'm mad for guitarists, I can't control my excitement when I come across one. And here was a professional, playing a song solely for me.

Later on, he played a song for someone else. A song that is very special to me. 'Tum ho toh'. And I wondered why I hadn't asked for it. But the point is, he played it and I could hear it.


That was one of the best moments of my life. I had been glowing with a smile that lasted right up to the next day.

That's what I call 'A little gesture, a huge smile'.

I couldn't even thank the guitarist for making my day. But I'm quite sure he would've understood it by my reactions.

Never.

I just want you to know that I never recovered and might never recover. Although I might appear to be mended, I shall forever hold that darkness, clutch it close, closest to me, because that was what remained with me when everything else shattered. It was my alibi. It was my only companion when you left.

You're still here with me, yet not totally with me.

It's not that I can't stay without you being mine, it's just that I can't stand being without the knowledge that you believe in us.

I'll remain impaired with your mere memory and try to suffice my yearnings with the mere thought of your voice, of your smile...