A New Dawn

I look at a fallen leaf on the street
It makes me feel lonely and sad.
I look at all the other people who are happy while they sleep
And it makes me feel jealous and bad.

I look at the rain lashing on my window sill
It creates ripples of confusion in my mind.
I look at the wet muddy puddles
And they allow my muddy thoughts to grind.

I long when I see the azure sky
I long when I see sandy long deserts.
I wonder where among the Earthlings I lie
When would heal these hurts.

Then I see a form in my mind and my thoughts begin to cease
As bright as a star (when only one is shining in the sky) I see you and me.

You and me, lying together
On the very wet grass be-dewed by the same rain.
You and me, moreover,
Sharing thoughts of the same plane.

I see you, smiling with your eyes
And crying with them at the same time.
I see you, stretching out your hand
And interlocking it with mine.

Then it dawns when I realize
I'd seen my reflection in a mirror with my eyes.

The rare times I miss friends. :(

No, I wasn't in love with you
But I was close to falling for you
You were brilliant as a friend
But you left me at the end.

Don't know why everything now
Seems so empty, devoid, somehow
No late night text messages
No reassuring calls for ages.

You'd helped me so much in despair
And always promised you'd be there
Then what made you do this
You made me, a dear friend, miss.

I won't ask you to come back for me
But just know, I'll always treasure our friendship for years to be.

Lets see where whims lead to.

I intend to write something, but I don't know what.

Lets see where whims lead to.



Sometimes I wonder if you'll ever be back. I don't know that for sure, I don't even believe in that completely; yet I keep longing and waiting.

Not patiently.

Not even impatiently.

Then there are those moments where I feel we were doomed ever since the start. But these spells don't last long. They are just times when I get hopeless and fed up.

I try substituting others for you. That works for a brief, very brief moment. Then I realize it's impossible. You have always been irreplaceable. The moments I spend with your prospective substitutes are nothing when compared to what I spent with you.

And anyway, I lose all those prospective substitutes in some way or the other, tending to they being fed up of a despicable me. I'm intimidating, they say.

This brings me back to square one. And back to missing you.

And then you show up, armed with a very few words, all of a sudden. As if reminding me you still exist. But somehow, I know I already know you still do. (Yeah, that sentence seems confusing, but you'll get it sometime).

So, even though I try stepping forward on this battleground called life, I am thrown back by the vicissitudes to my earlier position. Why? How? I don't know. Or is it just me?

Yeah, probably, it's just me.






P.S. Even my whims lead back to square one. =/ Vexing.

A House On Fire

My house caught fire and
All that was left
Was a scream unheard
In the flaming ire.

A frayed scarf and
A burnt mantelpiece
Shadowed walls
Blackened photographs

Was all that proved the
House had run up in flames
Tongues of orange
Caused all the ruins.

My house caught fire and
All that was left of my belongings
To claim
Was your memory and a lost desire.

Sight

(Inspired by George Moore)

These eyes have seen the world
Clothed and bare
Emotions at work
Beauty to stare.

These eyes have seen horror
Shocking sagas
Love in all its ardour
Music and all its ragas.

To thousand places they have been
Travelling multitudes
Thousand stories they have seen
From high and low altitudes.

These eyes have stood waiting beneath the boughs
But these eyes have also seen thee, and thou art enough.

To, The Saviour. (Deja Vu)

Like the aftermath of a grotesque war
In the murky darkness I lay, troubled.
Not a flame of hope, not a single torch
In my own shell, I struggled.

Then one day, when I peeped out,
I saw a ray bright
And a tall figure turning about
In the golden light.

Out of curiosity I followed the darkness
Approached the figure in the light
A stroke of wild happiness
Overwhelmed me at its sight.

There you stood with the spirit of a stoic
Stretching out your patient hand
And I stepped back, not at all heroic
Into my darkened land.

But you were relentless in your motive
I finally mustered up some courage
Holding that hand was my prerogative
As you so maturely encouraged.

Now that I held your hand
You turned shy
Out of my darkened land
You didn't happen to be mine.

No, you didn't profess any love to me
As friends you said we'd remain
But, though deep within you felt for me
You never let it proclaim.

Now that you saved me and all things for me turned rosy
I stretched out a hand of more than friendship
Now that I took up the initiative
I'll unlock the courage in you for a new relationship.



*Wish me luck*

Confessions Of An Amateur Photographer

It's like I see every beauty through its lens,
Every moment through shutter speed,
Capture memories with a click,
And appreciate the things photogenic.

Its pulsating vibes through my veins;
I feel passionate about just a few things.
And I'm glad I'm on my way
In line for a picturesque array.

I click for beauty, not randomness;
I yearn for its quality to remain
For years later, a photograph
To sail over the waters of memories on a raft.

I clutch the device close to me,
Hold it to the bosom.
Albeit amateur in the title,
Resilience can win battles.

So, I found my calling, it seems.
The device I'm emotionally attached with
Takes over my consciousness
And allows me to create beauty at its best.

Here I lie, never satisfied;
But finally, I've found my purpose in life.




*It seems*

Wild Thoughts [V1]

The Difference Between Having A Potential And Being Successful



How many times in life so far would you have heard the words, "He/She is good. But he/she can be even better"?

Initially, it sounds good, ranging to tolerable, ranging to perpetually annoying and then ultimately preposterous.

We always face that problem- (By 'we', I mean people similar to a 'despicable me') - being too lazy to put to use our entire potentials.

And it's not as if we aren't aware of the magnitude of our potentials. We're just too lazy, too much of a procrastinator. So much so that it has become an addiction.

So, basically, the difference between having a potential and being successful seems to zero down on the procedure- action, or work.

Theory was never a problem for me. But practicals were a headache.

So how do we find a solution? How do we find that spark to light up the fire in our asses? Much more tempting an option for our lazy fraternity is, how do we find that external force?

A man or an idea?

"We're told to remember the idea and not the man. Because a man can fail. He can be killed and forgotten. But 400 years later, an idea can still change the world."

So, we need an idea. Either external or internal. Either in the form of an advice or an obligation or a compulsion.

But we hate all of them- advices, obligations, compulsions.

So, that leaves us with the only option- an internal calling.

Spirituality, perhaps? Or just plain old introspection.

I'd tried both. Nothing worked so far. Even trying them out requires action. And it's a pain.

Couldn't things just materialize through mere thought?

I wonder if most schizophrenics were once in our great fraternity. It appeals so much to the mind of the epitomes of laziness- creating our fantasy world and letting everything materialize on its own.

So is that the solution? Becoming a schizophrenic?

Wild thoughts.

Whenever was it said that lazy people weren't wild? They might not be so in action, but in thoughts, they are among the most adventurous creatures on earth.

There you go, then. The bridge between the potential and success could well be a mental disorder.

Awaiting many more 'rational' ideas.




P.S. Joblessness is the mother of all invention.

Dream Sequence

(Inspired by Inception :D)

As she sat with the moonlight reflected on the dark, deep waters, the splashing waves carried her into reverie. The sea no longer intended to make her complete when she sat on the shore.

She decided she had a decision to make. A decision, not from the heart, but from the head. It had been quite some time that she'd decided over matters from her heart based on raw emotions. It was about time she erased the bias and turned to her more rational faculties.

She had to let go of her past. She had to accept, that what was gone, was gone forever,never intending to come back. Yet, the more she tried to let go of it, the more entangled she seemed to get.

She caught a fistful of sand and held it tight. Then she observed the particles escaping from between her fingers. Just like her will power, she thought. The more she tried to control it, the more it turned evasive.

The sudden exaltation had resulted in her falling from a very high peak, down into the deepest valleys. So, "Should she regret the phase of happiness?", she thought.

And then her head asserted, "It was a happy phase. Instead of regretting it, she must learn to be grateful to it".

As her heart and head battled, deep in the seas, something moved.

Slowly, a ghostly figure rose from the seas and glided across the waves towards her.

She instantly recognized the tall physique.

He was gliding towards her in effortless silence.

She walked towards the silvery white figure.

They held hands. She looked into those misty eyes. And her own eyes bedewed.

Now there was no confusion. Everything seemed crystal clear, as clear as the suddenly lighted up waters.

It was sunrise at the stroke of midnight.

"It's not a battle between YOUR head and YOUR heart. On the contrary, it's a battle between your head and MY heart, " he mused.

"So they're two different things?" she asked, lost in those misty eyes.

"Our hearts are one. Not our heads, probably."

"Oh, sad."





Suddenly, all the lights vanished.

And she woke up to midnight.

Her mom walked out of the room.

If I'd Have A Life Span Of Just 24hrs

The topic instantly appealed to me. As morbid as I am, that doesn't strike as a surprise.

Ever since we were born, we have taken life for granted. As if we'd live forever.

Almost everyone has this misconception. And it's almost a part of human nature to take things for granted.

But this topic made me refresh my grey cells.

I'm not known as a very sanguine personality, but somehow, when I think of dying, making happiness my last wish comes to my mind.

Yes. If I have just 24hrs to live, I would like to spend it in making each person I meet, smile. That would, in turn, give me loads of happiness.

And I would never let anyone know I wouldn't be in their lives for more than a day.

I would want to make the ones I dearly love realize how much I truly care.

After all this, if possible, I'd even like to meet Aamir Khan in person. :P
And a few other special people.

I the end, I wouldn't want to die as any normal person, but as a rose who still gives off a fragrance while being crushed.

A change

So I composed this proposal of a poem for someone YOU wouldn't want to know.

All this while I felt so blue
On the leaf of memories, like a suspended dew
Then you came along and my hopes renewed
We were made for each other, it felt so true.

Days passed and I was attracted to you
Each conversation was a story new
My dreams with your presence imbued
And my attraction with each interaction grew.

Out of the many guys there were few
Through whose compliments on cloud nine I flew
I realized with the dawn of emotions devoid of rue
Out of all possible possibilities, I had fallen for you.

So here pauses the story - I fell for you
The dawn of a love story depends on an answer true.

The point here is, this cannot be called a love poem. It isn't. It's something just above the veils of friendship. And for once, the emotions aren't imposing.





I discovered my emotional growth with this something I'd composed just casually.

I'm getting matured through this childish poetry. :D

Broken

To the deepest valleys I shall travel
To leave behind that love
That once shone bright as a flame
Now needs to be shoved.

Up on peaks and deep in the seas
I shall leave behind those feelings
But even under illusions of height and depth
It shall still retain its meaning.

Into the dark voids I shall throw
Everything that once gave pleasure
I shall dig the ground and bury my love
A long lost treasure.

I shall vow I'll never cross your path
Never be a hindrance
I shall be numb forever
Rather than a constant annoyance.

I shall deal with the separation
In any which way I can
I shall cease to try to prove
Our love still stands a chance.

I shall cease to hear you in every wind
Try not to see your face in everyone else's
I shall never again listen to the music
Never again recite those verses.

Someday these wounds would heal
And if they never do
I promise no matter how I be
There will exist a healed you.

A slight cut, that's all it takes
To end my life in a suicidal way
I need no hope, I need no support
It's easy, isn't it?
To die in a hole.

But what's difficult is to climb out
To leave the hole through the hard way
But I need hope, I need support
It's not easy, is it?
To live as a whole.

I stood an hour in the rain

I stood an hour in the rain
My hand stretched out
But you were never going to come
Loneliness was all it was about.

I stood an hour in the rain
Drenched to my bones
But you were never going to show
Oh! I should have known.

I stood an hour in the rain
The passersby looking pityingly
I didn't even have an umbrella
The rain pouring down relentlessly.

I stood an hour in the rain
Waiting with a hope long lost
I wished you would have given a glimpse at least
If never called.

I stood an hour in the rain
And at long last you showed
When my body lay there on the streets
You took away my soul.

The only existence

I turned and looked at the barren and empty streets. There wasn't a single soul breathing. But I was so sure I'd heard you only seconds ago.

"Alexa."

I gazed down the road and saw you standing beside one of the tall Maple trees.

I started forward. But you weren't even moving. I decided you must be waiting for me so I began to run forward in your direction.

But just as I got within touch, you vanished! There wasn't even a trace of you having been there only moments ago.

I looked, once again, at the barren and empty streets to find no one.

"Am I hallucinating?" I heard me whispering to myself.

"Alexa."

Again. Loud and clear, right ahead. I saw you standing with your back to me, leaning against the old fencing. This time you'd called out loud. But you weren't even looking in my direction.

I decided I didn't care. I ran forward and stopped abruptly midway when I saw myself emerge from behind one of the Maple trees and run towards you, in the opposite direction.

You were holding out your hand towards me and I held it, then we embraced and you pulled my face up to kiss my forehead.

I turned from the sight. The sight of us together. We were happy. And, more importantly, we were together.

I could touch the warm drops pouring out of my eyes, slowly.

We existed.

But only in my delusions.

Nostalgic

Here I sit with the late afternoon breeze
A cup of tea right before me
I think of you and all those moments
That were filled with love and ecstasy

I'm reminded of your voice
The soft whisper of a nightingale in disguise
The sharp intakes of breath
The lone melody in a babel of noise

I'm reminded of those endless nights
When I couldn't get myself to sleep right
When reality was far better than fantasy
When our love was the guiding light

I'm reminded of how suddenly it all vanished
How the love between us remained famished
Slowly the tears start welling up
As promises taken tarnish

I'm left with a vestige called friendship
The saviour in the hardship
I'm not alone,
And yet my heart's ripped

I still sit here with the late afternoon breeze
Reminiscing moments that were for keeps
Moments containing you and me
That were filled with love and ecstasy

And I'm nostalgic.

A little gesture, a huge smile

It happens all the while. The smallest of things can make you smile and the smallest of things can make you cry.

But, right now, I'm into the good things, the happy moments- For a change.

This happened last year. I don't remember the month or date, but I do remember the ambience.

It was like we were in a secluded Buddhist temple. Ancient faded paintings on the walls, a slightly crumbling ceiling, and the whiff of air conditioning.

We were at Moksha, a restaurant that boasted of burmese and thai cuisine.

That was the first and so far, my last time there with my mom.

There was a guitarist in the restaurant. And I go bonkers when I get a mere glimpse of a guitarist playing his instrument.

He came over and asked what song I wanted to be played.

My first reaction was that of elation and gratification. I asked if he could play 'Californication'.

But he hadn't heard of the song.

In the end, I had to suffice with 'You're beautiful'. He played it on his acoustic guitar and sang along with it. It was beautiful. It was as if all my senses had gone off and all I could feel was the excitement of someone being played a song to.

I'm mad for guitarists, I can't control my excitement when I come across one. And here was a professional, playing a song solely for me.

Later on, he played a song for someone else. A song that is very special to me. 'Tum ho toh'. And I wondered why I hadn't asked for it. But the point is, he played it and I could hear it.


That was one of the best moments of my life. I had been glowing with a smile that lasted right up to the next day.

That's what I call 'A little gesture, a huge smile'.

I couldn't even thank the guitarist for making my day. But I'm quite sure he would've understood it by my reactions.

Never.

I just want you to know that I never recovered and might never recover. Although I might appear to be mended, I shall forever hold that darkness, clutch it close, closest to me, because that was what remained with me when everything else shattered. It was my alibi. It was my only companion when you left.

You're still here with me, yet not totally with me.

It's not that I can't stay without you being mine, it's just that I can't stand being without the knowledge that you believe in us.

I'll remain impaired with your mere memory and try to suffice my yearnings with the mere thought of your voice, of your smile...

The Path Of Patience

(Composed somewhere during the November of 2008)

Your voice is the Sound of Music
Your smile is the Panorama of the Seven Wonders
Your presence, though not constant technically,
Is felt in every breeze, every thunder.

With the sunrise, I've begun rising
Just to have a glimpse of You in the dews upon the leaves.
With the sunset approaching
I've begun believing that only Love is true, Love is beauty.

Every second passes with immense pain
Each day takes decades to end
Then a new day begins, and though I am closer to You
Hopefully; I realize, Life is but a house on rent.

Knowledge gained dictates Life is mortal
Yet I believe and want to prove that
When Life is mortal, it is Love
It is this Love that passes on; Love is immortal.

Our stay on this land may be limited
But the horizons would ever keep expanding
We may one day cease to exist
But the footprints of togetherness shall ever keep reforming.

Alone

Stumbling on wood
Darkness engulfing
Twilight evanescent
Moonlight twinkling

She ran hitherto
Finding voids
Muffled screams
Searching voice

Turning around the corners
She reached the middle
A silent prayer
Faith belittled

Yet nothing in sight
Calmed the yearning
Nothing forever
Hope burning

Then at last
A voice was heard
Among the bushes
A lone shepherd

He whispered a tale and told her to believe
"Alone you are and forever alone you will be."

A Glimpse Of The World Where They Belong. Together.

She'd locked herself from the world into a shell. She wouldn't let it open and sat idle there, but a with a turmoil of emotions within the realms of her mind.

She often heard a knock on the shell. The thing would exclaim it was positivity and good will. And she'd never open the shell to it. Not that she couldn't, but she didn't want to.

But it never gave up. It was relentless in its resolve. It kept knocking and she grew fed up of it. Yet she refused to opened up.

Then one day when she opened her eyes, she found she'd fallen asleep in someone's arms. She looked up and saw Him. He was smiling. It was Him. He brushed her hair off her forehead and kissed it.

Once again, the knocking resumed. But now, she wanted to open up. Now they wanted to open up.

He pushed open the shell and finally, a bright ball of white light covered the entire shell from within and lifted it up into the clear morning sky. When they opened their eyes next, they were nestled into each other's arms, safe and sound, and happy.

The shell had vanished.

Now they had opened themselves and herself to a beautiful world where they belonged. Together.

They gazed at the sunrise reflected over the deep and vast ocean.

They belonged to each other. They belonged to this world. Their world.

(September 30, 2008)

Plural is a singular word
Plural likes duplicating and multiplying things.

Plural once looked out at the blue-as-blueberry skies
And asked himself, "Why am I single?"

Pluralia noticed Plural- a solitary being
Wondering if Pluralia and Plural could make it into a plural.

The blue-as-blueberry skies smiled at Pluralia
showing off one of its Gold Tooth.

The Gold Tooth in itself was so large
Pluralia and Plural were taken aback by its gigantic size.

Plural looked at Pluralia
Pluralia chanced a glance.

Glances took form and
Pluralia and Plural brushed off their singularity.

Thus, Plural was singular,
And Pluralia and Plural made it a plural.

The Fallen Star

(November 23, 2007)

Look here, ye' great men
look at the little star that has fallen on earth
it seems to have lost its shine, its identity, its mirth

Come to glance at the poor thing
see how dark a star that shone so brightly can be
lost in the melancholic sounds of its own dreams

Oh! You must come and congratulate it
for having shone so brightly not long ago
remind it of the way it used to stand out and glow

Push all the barriers, break all bonds
great men and great minds unite
Help build back the broken star with all its light
May the new star last much longer
than it ever did during earlier nights.

The Lost Angel

A lost angel
Wandering in the moors
With grey and black
And all of its hues

Stumbling in the dark
Unable to fly
A lost angel
Fallen from the sky.

A Year Went By

A year went by
And I didn't realize
How far I've come
Or how back I've retreated

I didn't realize
Which moments were happy
And which moments
Tore me into pieces

I didn't understand
Where I was headed
I didn't understand
What was needed

I couldn't fathom
The ripples and waves
In the sea of thoughts
Decorated with forgery's laces

I couldn't bring myself
To face acceptance
I couldn't take what was happening
As my mind enjoyed a long recess

A year went by
And the pages were written upon
With rhyming words
Confusion and frustration manifested

I couldn't understand
What was real, what fiction
Right out of my head
Words were battling in races

An year went by
And I didn't realize
How the time went so fast

A year went by
And I stood still
Right up to the last

A year went by
And I stood still
With the memories that passed

A year went by
And I stood still
Torn apart.

Childhood Days

It was my childhood days
I was blind, I was little, I was a child
I had it all my way
With my dreams, with my friends, a clear blue sky
I used to fly away
Sometimes alone, sometimes with mates, I soared
It was those carefree days
All together, birds of a feather, in sunny May

Then all of a sudden
Beasts of burden
I grew up, I grew big, I grew old
All those endless games now friendless
A memory tight to hold.

It was those funny days
Playing pranks, playing jokes into the night
I still had my way
Dominating, empowering, leader in sight
They always did as I said
While in playing, conversing, manipulating
I never felt guilty anyway
They were happy in following

Then all of a sudden
Beasts of burden
I grew up, I grew big, I grew old
All those endless games now friendless
A memory tight to hold.

We might never meet again
But we have it, in our heartbeat, deep inside
Eons have passed away
Now we smile when we think of those fights

We'll always remember
The same long feather
Of childhood that we shared
A long bed time story
Sweet distant memory
Something forever that will last.

(December 30, 2009, Wednesday)

All these months that have passed
Have hung on skies low
Never a clear blue
Always hazy, laden with sorrow.

They've mended me, they've broken me
They've helped me grow
From inflicting imagined pain
It has also let seeds of joy sow.

Between what has passed and what remains
I walk empty streets lighted with the moon
During starry nights I have a crowd of visitors
They listen to me and lullabies croon.

Then come those lonely hours
That are a bit too long yet end too soon
Where I yearn for people that may never
Even show themselves in stark noon.

Memories break on the shore of the mind
Crashing on the rocks formed with time
They pull me up into exhilaration
And succumb to hysteria on the sides.

I play games with myself
Enjoy losing out to the stranger of me
Letting him take control
Letting him act out free.

Where do these months lead up to?
Realms yet darker and dreamy?
Perhaps they have a ray of hope
But would I want to see?